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Monday, June 01, 2009
1 June 2009 Angels and Demons
11:45 PM Hey. It's been almost a year already. Life in NYJC is good. So yeah, that's done with. I wanted to talk about how I'm feeling today, cause I don't usually do that. Has there ever been a time when you wanted someone to talk with, to cheer you up when you're feeling down, someone to tell all your little secrets to? Well that's how I feel like right now, really tired and for some reason upset. Sometimes I question how people treat me, do they simply think of me as some giggly girl or do they really see the real me, the one who is very self conscious? I hate myself sometimes, for the way I put myself across, for the way I behave. Sometimes I just wish I could hide behind someone and just be invisible. Sometimes I just feel used. Well thanks so much for making me feel that way :D I'm really happy about it. Note the sarcasm. I'm sorry if after a long long hiatus I start ranting about this emo shit, but really I feel like dirt right now. I question my actions, my capabilities and whether or not I really want to be the way I am right now. I wish people would just stop seeing this grinning person and take me seriously for once. I'm sick and tired of it all. Thanks for reading this stupid post. LOVE Rachel PS. Angels and Demons, Ewan McGregor in his role is totally perfect. I wanna believe him as he is. Saturday, July 26, 2008
26th July 2008
10:22 PM  Hey!Man! It's weird how the people you thought you knew so many years ago have changed SOO much. It's scary! And you kind of realise how "estranged" the friendship has become. It really is a small world! Who would have thought that the Little Miss Singapore Cinderella girl you knew in Chinese tuition would become close friends with your ex-primary school friends? Man! This is too weird! Bleh! My wisdom tooth is growing and damn! it hurts! OUCH! Friday, May 30, 2008
30th May 2008
12:29 AM  WOAH! I haven't posted in AGES! I feel like a hermit! This post is dedicated to Alvina! Cuz she motivated me to start blogging again. Errr I think I'll still continue blogging? Today, I went to the library and borrowed books! After 765987375 years, I finally borrowed a story book! From the LIBRARY! But I've already finished reading that one story book. The others are books on gift wrapping and baking. 500 cookie recipes!! Like WOW! That's a lot! Hehe! I recently found an article on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I thought this piece of writing was really well thought out! You can check it out here. Sigh. Everyone's so concerned about o levels now. I find it so mystifying how people can find the motivation to do well. I mean, what drives them? Is it simply just that wish to succeed and do well in life? Why is it that everyone seems to be able to find what drives them? Why can't I find the need to drive me? This kind of reminds me the times during Sec. 2. I still remember obsessing over something so much that when I think back, I realise studying during that time was really a blur for me. Currently listening to Alvina's Playlist (minus quite a lot of songs) Hehe! We rawk! XP Sunday, November 18, 2007
18 November 2007
11:34 PM Yesterday was a bad day Yesterday, we had a class outing. And I realised, nobody is seems to care for me the way I care for them. let your heart out. There's no one there for me. Every single form of expression seems like it's never reciprocated. I'm just a wallpaper to people. I'm only called when I'm needed. Once, I received a friendster message from Sameerah and it said "What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there? What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy there would be 10 moments of sadness?" It made me wonder, how many friends truly care? Ever felt abandoned and empty? Cause that's how I feel. I seem to tuned out of people's life. It hurts, because all I can think of when I'm with them, is that they don't care. They really don't care. I am nothing to them, but a useless toy. Sunday, October 14, 2007
14 October 2007
10:22 PM Uh Oh. I'm in trouble. Seriously. Just when I decided to give my CCA more commitment and dedication, this happens. Maybe it's just karma come to bite me in the ass. Or maybe this is just a wake-up call. The dramas of teenage life. Monday, October 08, 2007
8th October 2007
1:59 AM I'm back for an indefinite moment of time. I think all of you should listen to Scarborough Fair. I heard it on the radio today, the version by Simon & Garfunkel and I found the tune very familiar. Thus, I did some research. A very freaky coincidence. "During late Medieval times the seaside resort of Scarborough was an important event for tradesmen from all over England. It was host to a huge 45-day trading event, starting August 15, which was exceptionally long for a fair in those times. Merchants came to it from all areas of England, Europe, Norway, Denmark, the Baltic and the Byzantine Empire. Scarborough Fair originated from a charter granted by King Henry III of England on 22 January 1253. The charter, which gave Scarborough many privileges, stated "The Burgesses and their heirs forever may have a yearly fayre in the Borough, to continue from the Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary until the Feast of St Michael next following". On the modern Roman Catholic calendar, the equivalent dates are August 15 to September 29. " Notice the freaky coincidence. Apparently, the fair ends on my birthday! Maybe? Nah! I'm just blabbering nonsense. :) But you should really check it out! Free advertising. It sounds really old, like elfen music (is that even the correct spelling?) and sounds really mythical. Check out some links for it.
Since this is my return, well sort of, I'll make this post probably my longest one. On saturday, my cousin held her wedding, and the thing is, watching her walk down the aisle just gave me a very nostalgic sense. How would it feel to be that bride? How would it feel to be with the one you loved, knowing that you would be together for that long time, have children? And then I wondered, how would I feel if it were my daughter up there, getting married? It's just too surreal. It seemed like only yesterday when that same cousin's brother had his wedding. And then you realise, time really flies. If that can happen it such a short time, what will happen to me in future? What of my past? Have I really learned to let go and move on. Or have I really become an outsider to my own self. Thinking of the past and future makes me scared. Because I don't really know what I've done, because I don't really know what I'm going to do. Will the people I really treasure still be with me then, or would we have gone our separate ways? I wonder when I stopped caring about certain things, or maybe it's just me yearning for it. Saturday, August 11, 2007
11th August 2007
12:08 PM This blog has been dead for a long time. Not sure whether this will continue though. Mom's nagging at me again. I just wish she would understand that studying isn't so easy as it seems. Zzzz she made me uninstall all my games X( Boohoo. |