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layout: detonatedlove♥pictures: ohhspontaneityy stocks: _excentric_ |
Sunday, November 26, 2006
26th November 2006
11:29 PM To Know I Wasn't There (for You). It hurt so much, That you walked away, And it hurt so much, That you left me behind. It made me cry, To see your tears, And it made me cry, To see your smile. I wanted to turn my back on you, And walk through a different door, I tried to forget everything you said to me, And walked down a different path. My heart was breaking, My world was falling, I was still living in a shadow of the distant past. It broke my heart, To know I wasn't there for you, And it broke my heart, That you said never again, I wanted you to know, I'll always remember you, And I wanted you to know, You will always live in my heart. I asked God why, why he gave me you, Yet I asked him why, you had to go, I knew I should have hidden my tears, For you, you were the one who suffered the most. Like the leaves, blown, Like the rain, fallen, You were gone, and I could only watch you go. For one more day, I wish I never met you, Is one more day, I wish you were here, I wished and wished, Knowing it will never be, But I wished and wished, Holding on to hope that was never there. I asked you why, Why it all just ended, And asked you why, You blamed me so, In my heart, I knew all the answers, But in my mind, I denied them all. Those times were torn apart And thrown into the wind, Those days were shattered into pieces And discarded on the ground, I went down on my knees to pick them up again, And try to mend it all back into what it used to be. But you, you walked away. In the night I clutch on to the pieces that you left behind for me, I held on to you tight, but you pulled away and walked on, I was so near to you, but so far away from your heart, I wanted to tell you so much, but you were shut from me, Shut away by the walls you built around yourself, And so I was left to stand there with only fragments of the past. I was trying to live the dream which has now become a nightmare. I never knew this could bring me so much pain, Yet I took it for granted, My mind was doing what my heart forbade, And when they asked me what wrong, It was nothing, nothing but a song, Composed and played, But now, the curtains have fallen, And the last note has faded away. ~ cherze ©2006 All rights reserved. There are times when I blame myself for not seeing, for being so blind. There are times when I lose touch of those feelings I swore I would never forget. There are the times when I can't help but cry because I can't bring myself to face you. If I were to die right now, the only thing I would regret would be not talking to you. I want to talk to you so bad, I don't want to live my life like this, regretting everything I didn't do for you, not speaking to you like I did before, not talking to you honestly about everything.
26th November 2006
9:40 PM LTC was fun. How I wished the leaders weren't leaders then I could experience the real personalities of the leaders. After reading Chief's blog and alot more other leaders' blogs, I've come to realise the real responsibilites a leader must face. It's also during the camp that I realised many of the people around me did have the qualities, but it was just difficult to show it. Although the leaders say we must take the initiative and have that mind set, it seems as though they're condoning the leaders to be of only one type and that's quite judgemental of them. There are different types of leaders, which explains the different types of departments where they are able to lead better in, morever, if we were not different, there wouldn't be a need to have so many leaders to a department. But I must say that this camp has been a very big eye opener for me. There are all sorts of leaders, as said from the leadership talk, but a true leader is one when the people respect her and want to follow willingly, not out of FEAR. Leaders out there, I hope you can show the rational behind your actions. The real leaders out there would really take note of it. Sunday, November 12, 2006
12th November 2006
11:54 PM What hurts most is to see you hurting, without being able to do anything. It hurts when I can't talk to you anymore. Maybe you don't realise it, but you've closed your heart from me. There is nothing more in the world I want to do than talk to you and be there for you like you were for me. But do you know how hard that is? Do you know how much it hurts when I hear that I wasn't there for you? How much I want to be part of your memories? I hurt for you. To see what you go through, wondering what you think? How have you carried this facade? My heart feels for you. But they weren't empty assurances. Saturday, November 11, 2006
11th November 2006
9:30 PM We built it up, to watch it fall, Like we meant nothin' at all, I gave and gave, the best of me, But couldn't give you what you need. You walked away, you stole my life. I guess it wasn't worth it, I just wasn't worth it And I will wait However long it takes Till you realize what you have been searching for, Was right here all along. I will wait, no matter how long it takes Feeling you start to drift away from me, Back to the empty place you used to be. How do I get to you? I can't seem to reach out to you, not the way I used to, not the way I want to. It's just so hard, you're beyond my reach Nothing but an empty page Breathing in an open space Captured by your moment's grace again There's so much I left behind Even more that waits in time Everything's so undefined I'm standing on the edge of my fear And I see it clear I dunno where my life is going. But everything's changing and I'm lost. Here's my resolution I'm letting go All I need to learn is along this road And I just want to be the best person I can be Living life without a plan Finding solace where I stand And learning how to love again And all I want is something real That I can feel I don't want to let go. But it's so hard to keep this up with you so out of reach. I want to reach out the way I could before. You meant so much to me, probably more than I can ever express. But I just want to be there for you, just one last time. I feel like I've disappointed you. Thursday, November 09, 2006
9th November 2006
9:41 PM Everything's so hard to believe now. Was it even real? Were you really there for me? I understand what you've been through, I really do. But the one time I need you is the one time you've left me. Without you I am nothing. Without you life is without meaning. You were that important to me. But now I don't know whether I can continue living. With these thoughts plaguing my mind, will I still be here one year from now? No one knows me like you do. In the end, no one will be there for me. Not in the way I need them. Friday, November 03, 2006
3rd October 2006
8:41 PM Life goes on and so does time. I wish I could turn back time, but it's too late for regrets. I can't think straight. Was my life supposed to be like this? I don't feel it more. And I find myself forgetting. Forgetting everything I ever treasured about those around me. Sometimes I wonder... what would life be like if I never existed. Would everyone be the way they were? Or would their life be much better? What I want most is what I can't have, it's not even within my grasp. |