Despair, Hope And Longing

1 June 2009 Angels and Demons

2009-06-01T23:45:00.003+08:00

Hey. It's been almost a year already.
Life in NYJC is good. So yeah, that's done with.
I wanted to talk about how I'm feeling today, cause I don't usually do that.
Has there ever been a time when you wanted someone to talk with, to cheer you up when you're feeling down, someone to tell all your little secrets to? Well that's how I feel like right now, really tired and for some reason upset.

Sometimes I question how people treat me, do they simply think of me as some giggly girl or do they really see the real me, the one who is very self conscious?

I hate myself sometimes, for the way I put myself across, for the way I behave. Sometimes I just wish I could hide behind someone and just be invisible. Sometimes I just feel used. Well thanks so much for making me feel that way :D I'm really happy about it. Note the sarcasm.

I'm sorry if after a long long hiatus I start ranting about this emo shit, but really I feel like dirt right now.

I question my actions, my capabilities and whether or not I really want to be the way I am right now. I wish people would just stop seeing this grinning person and take me seriously for once.

I'm sick and tired of it all.

Thanks for reading this stupid post.

LOVE
Rachel

PS. Angels and Demons, Ewan McGregor in his role is totally perfect. I wanna believe him as he is.

26th July 2008

2008-07-26T22:22:00.004+08:00

Hey!
Man!
It's weird how the people you thought you knew so many years ago have changed SOO much.
It's scary!
And you kind of realise how "estranged" the friendship has become.

It really is a small world!
Who would have thought that the Little Miss Singapore Cinderella girl you knew in Chinese tuition would become close friends with your ex-primary school friends?
Man! This is too weird! Bleh!

My wisdom tooth is growing and damn! it hurts!
OUCH!

30th May 2008

2008-05-30T00:29:00.003+08:00

WOAH! I haven't posted in AGES! I feel like a hermit!

This post is dedicated to Alvina! Cuz she motivated me to start blogging again. Errr I think I'll still continue blogging?

Today, I went to the library and borrowed books! After 765987375 years, I finally borrowed a story book! From the LIBRARY!

But I've already finished reading that one story book. The others are books on gift wrapping and baking. 500 cookie recipes!! Like WOW! That's a lot!

Hehe! I recently found an article on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I thought this piece of writing was really well thought out! You can check it out here.

Sigh. Everyone's so concerned about o levels now. I find it so mystifying how people can find the motivation to do well. I mean, what drives them? Is it simply just that wish to succeed and do well in life? Why is it that everyone seems to be able to find what drives them? Why can't I find the need to drive me?

This kind of reminds me the times during Sec. 2. I still remember obsessing over something so much that when I think back, I realise studying during that time was really a blur for me.

Currently listening to Alvina's Playlist (minus quite a lot of songs) Hehe! We rawk! XP

18 November 2007

2007-11-18T23:34:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was a bad day

Yesterday, we had a class outing.

And I realised,

nobody is seems to care for me the way I care for them.

let your heart out.

There's no one there for me.

Every single form of expression seems like it's never reciprocated.

I'm just a wallpaper to people.

I'm only called when I'm needed.

Once, I received a friendster message from Sameerah and it said

"What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy there would be 10 moments of sadness?"

It made me wonder, how many friends truly care?

Ever felt abandoned and empty?

Cause that's how I feel.

I seem to tuned out of people's life.

It hurts, because all I can think of when I'm with them, is that they don't care.

They really don't care.

I am nothing to them, but a useless toy.

14 October 2007

2007-10-14T22:22:00.000+08:00

Uh Oh. I'm in trouble.
Seriously.
Just when I decided to give my CCA more commitment and dedication, this happens.
Maybe it's just karma come to bite me in the ass. Or maybe this is just a wake-up call.
The dramas of teenage life.

8th October 2007

2007-10-08T01:59:00.000+08:00

I'm back for an indefinite moment of time.
I think all of you should listen to Scarborough Fair. I heard it on the radio today, the version by Simon & Garfunkel and I found the tune very familiar.
Thus, I did some research. A very freaky coincidence.

"During late Medieval times the seaside resort of Scarborough was an important event for tradesmen from all over England. It was host to a huge 45-day trading event, starting August 15, which was exceptionally long for a fair in those times. Merchants came to it from all areas of England, Europe, Norway, Denmark, the Baltic and the Byzantine Empire. Scarborough Fair originated from a charter granted by King Henry III of England on 22 January 1253. The charter, which gave Scarborough many privileges, stated "The Burgesses and their heirs forever may have a yearly fayre in the Borough, to continue from the Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary until the Feast of St Michael next following". On the modern Roman Catholic calendar, the equivalent dates are August 15 to September 29. "

Notice the freaky coincidence. Apparently, the fair ends on my birthday! Maybe? Nah! I'm just blabbering nonsense. :) But you should really check it out! Free advertising. It sounds really old, like elfen music (is that even the correct spelling?) and sounds really mythical.

Check out some links for it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYQaD2CAi9A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxHUMPtQM9g (this is the acoustic guitar version)

Since this is my return, well sort of, I'll make this post probably my longest one.

On saturday, my cousin held her wedding, and the thing is, watching her walk down the aisle just gave me a very nostalgic sense. How would it feel to be that bride? How would it feel to be with the one you loved, knowing that you would be together for that long time, have children? And then I wondered, how would I feel if it were my daughter up there, getting married? It's just too surreal. It seemed like only yesterday when that same cousin's brother had his wedding. And then you realise, time really flies. If that can happen it such a short time, what will happen to me in future? What of my past?

Have I really learned to let go and move on. Or have I really become an outsider to my own self. Thinking of the past and future makes me scared. Because I don't really know what I've done, because I don't really know what I'm going to do. Will the people I really treasure still be with me then, or would we have gone our separate ways?

I wonder when I stopped caring about certain things, or maybe it's just me yearning for it.

11th August 2007

2007-08-11T12:08:00.000+08:00

This blog has been dead for a long time. Not sure whether this will continue though.
Mom's nagging at me again. I just wish she would understand that studying isn't so easy as it seems. Zzzz she made me uninstall all my games X( Boohoo.

22nd June 2007

2007-06-22T02:00:00.000+08:00

AAH~~ Hello there sexayes!
Chicken rice outing today. I think the chicken rice standard dropped or maybe it was just me and my oily money. Keke!

We left the sad little packet of wet tissue behind, longing for a home. Sniffles, LAWL!
And I accompanied Cheryl all the way to Dhoby Ghaut! Well, it was just a simple 45 cents, I'd better take advantage of it while I still have such privileges, STUDENT PRIVILEGES!
It's 2 am in the morning and I'm not sleeping, nor have I really done much of my holiday homework! I'm doomed man.

Oh shoot! Better log out before my parents catch me. !#$%^&*#$ Ehem, mind the profanities. (:

15th June 2007

2007-06-15T01:09:00.000+08:00

What a day!
Sentosa was a disaster. Lol, ok maybe not a total disaster.
Lorraine, cherie and J.T. were building a sand castle, with super, duper
dripping wet sand. Er.. I think I've got a screw lose in my head. WHO IN THE WORLD WEARS FRICKIN' JEANS TO THE BEACH AND A TWO-LAYERED TOP???!!!!!!

Ehem.
Lol, luckily I didn't get sprayed by ROHINNY (emphasise on the HINNY) or else I would have been dead man.

Lol, soon after it was time for...(drum roll please)
FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER
But the movie was like crap la, typical predictable storyline, like all the cartoon action hero stuff you usually see on tv. Lol, was fun la!
Then came the time. for NEOPRINTS!!!
OMG! I fet so deprived of oxygen in the booth thingy.
NO TIMER! YAY!
And Alvina and Wai Leng kept on disappearing!!!
NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY!!!
ARGH!
Haven't started homework yet!
zz WHY AM I ALWAYS LIKE THAT!!! zz
ok, buh-bye!
Toodles!

1st April 2007

2007-04-01T11:18:00.000+08:00

HAPPY APRIL'S FOOLS DAY!
XD KEEP SMILING, FOR WE WILL COMBAT THE STRESS AND HOMEWORK AND P.M.S. LEVELS XP
Love you all,
Rachel

17th March 2007

2007-03-17T12:27:00.000+08:00

ARGH! I HAVEN'T DONE HOMEWORK! SH*T MAN!

24th February 2007

2007-02-25T00:30:00.000+08:00

ARGH! I'm getting lazier and more tired and more sick by the day! x(
1. First, a fever in the morning
2. Too lazy to do homework and relink ppl, then again it's like 12.30am~
3. Tired zzzzz wanna sleep

All in all, Rachel Goh has become a lazy bum bum! XD
Well, a lazy bum bum is a nice and round bum bum! Keke!
Ok la, here's the stupidest and laziest post for today! XD

19th February 2007

2007-02-19T01:04:00.001+08:00

This post goes out to oink oink sweetie pie whom I missed a lot on Valentine's Day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! YOU'RE FIFTEEN NOW!
Quite literally, I would say, POUR THE CHAMPAGNE!!!!!!!!
Dear dear, ex-hubby, xP no la you'll always be my number #1 LAO GONG (gosh, I sound like a b-i-m-b-o) Happy birthday! With age comes great responsibilities. Pretty soon I'll have to call you Ah ma. When I'm still 59 and a half, you'll be 60 then! xP keke.
Well, I'm gonna drop by arh! Gimme plenty of HONG BAOS! Gong Xi Fa Cai, hong bao na lai, mei you hong bao, gei ni balck eye! xD Well cheer up you stinky poo, and do the mambo! OAC is NOT H*LL NEVER SAID IT WAS XD! Happy birthday. Happy birthday dearest.

Hugs and kisses,
RACHEL,

P.S. Irma and Freddie miss you
P.P.S.S. Naughty girl arh, say you'll wait for me on V day, keke it's ok la I understand
P.P.P.S.S.S. Be prepared for a night of FUN! ;) no la not naughty things la, romantic things xP

31st January 2006

2007-01-31T19:30:00.000+08:00

Here comes the end of the month.
3 I<3U is fine, but I find myself missing the 2Shay peeps more and more!
I miss you, you crazy toots!
And yeah this post is specifically for Alvina/Peanut cuz she's the one who always encourages me to blog! xD what a reason! Well anyway today's entry is gonna be VERY random so here's a warning before hand. IP peeps! I wanna see you on Valentine's Day, I wanna say I LOVE YOU to you guys on Valentine's day! Pls wait for me! I will come back to school! Either that or HAVE DINNER WITH ME! I DON'T CARE HOW! I JUST WANNA HANG WITH YOU GUYS!

Yeah, classes are alright. CHOIR leaves me drained. Mondays and Tuesdays have just been zzzzz.... and I mean Zzzzzz..... I've been sleeping a lot and all the tests are coming up!

Oh yeah! By the way, check out Apocalyptica, they're a very cool band! They play heavy metal, usually morbid and gothic sounding, which means minus the EW! lyrics of morbid songs, plus the third hot guy from the left who does some wonderful head banging and the very COOL fact that they're doing all thopse wonderful things using a cello! XD I LIKE IT <3 go hear! xD xD XD xD XD

LOVE YA, 2Shay

25th January 2007

2007-01-26T00:31:00.000+08:00

Apocalyptica - Path

Another song. keke
Battling with your own shadows is difficult, I mean it literally xD

25th January 2006

2007-01-25T22:07:00.000+08:00

CLASS NOTICE BOARD! WOOTS!
Stayed till about 5.30pm until the Uncle came and nagged at us xP
Oh well~
WATCHING PRISON BREAK although I'm supposed to be doing a proposal. XP

22nd January 2007

2007-01-22T04:12:00.001+08:00

bittersweet

Listen don't watch

21st January 2006

2007-01-21T23:26:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling lost out there, so alone, like somehow I don't belong.

_____________________________________________________________________

OK! EMO PART DONE! I'M BACK PEOPLE! SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT! Schoolwork la

plus my body seems to be extra tired all the time. Oh well! OK! I miss everyone!!!!!

kiss kiss hug hug kiss kiss hug hug kiss kiss hug hug MWACKZ!

HASTA LA VISTA! MUACKZ! <3

20th December 2006

2006-12-20T23:09:00.000+08:00

ACK! I think my log is dead. Do you think it's dead? Bah!
HEHE! Welcome to the world of the insane and wacky, this is my world,
where anything can happen! Including pregnant friends in more ways than you
can imagine, the partylife and oh yeah! ROMANCE!

Nah that's just a story of mine.
THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD!
ARGH!

CCA exhibition coming up.
I think it's very boring!
Especially the souvenirs!

Must try something new next time!
BLEARGH!
I'm bored, bored bored bored with TONS of homework to do!
SIGH!

Can we change the programme?
Sigh, maybe I'll ask Evan for some ideas.

This has been some crap post.
Oh well!

ALVINA'S PARTY WAS FUN! And I got a gigantic bottle of soap,
guaranteed to last me for a life time!
JUST KIDDING!
BUT it was a very big bottle!

Some New Year resolutions then!
1. Thou shalt not procrastinate!
2. Thou shalt not play hanky panky in school!
3. Thou shalt not terrorise the new juniors coming in!
4. Thou shalt help choir to achieve better heights!
BLAH BLAH!

Hanky Panky is now only reserved for IP peeps! And even the mighty and abusive I might add LISA cannot touch me! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

SYF COMING UP!
I MUST, WE MUST, I MUST, WE MUST!
WE MUST MUST MUST MUST DO WELL!!!!
YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

This has been a nonsense post by yours truly!

11th December 2006

2006-12-11T22:49:00.000+08:00

I've just realised I'm the biggest spend thrift ever.
I've just added up the total price for the first nine people.
OVER 200 BLOODY BUCKS!!!
Well, I hope they at least like the gifts
Oh well.
I shall list the prices in with most expensive first.
NAH! Just kidding! But I must admit, the only time I enjoy shopping
is for Christmas and maybe Valentine's Day.

Well, CONGRATULATIONS to myself for my first non-emo or non half-emo
post! YIPPEE! It seems our choir standard has dropperd significantly.
But then again, it seems as though none of them are trying to sound like a choir,
just trying to improve themselves individually.

BLEARGH! This sucks! I mean, COME ON! Even if we as a choir don't sound unified, at least the sections should, right?

Well now I'm going to talk about the day I had with Delfi and Alvina Peanut on Saturday. It was a beautiful day and the fountain water glittered invitingly in the sun. YEAH RIGHT! AS IF!
Anyway, coincidentally Alvina, Delfi and I took the same train, granted I went with Delfi at first and then coincidentally met Alvina.

Well we first stopped by CANDY EMPIRE.
GRR! All the sweets not my type. Oh well! Then we were walking about, like dunno where to shop at. Then Delfi wanted to go to Marks and Spencer, and the practical (somewhat at least?) and nice looking gift packages were sorta seen.
GOSH! They looked like very nice and classy gifts.
Then we went to Mu-ee, well Delfi and Peanut were just looking around, then I saw something at Mu-ee that was something like what I wanted to give Cheryl and Fiona, so another pit-stop.
Bear in mind that these are the shops I bought Christmas gifts at.
Then, we went to Daiso, Always $2! And I got pissed.
Cause I got lost and Peanut and Delfi didn't wait for me. BOO!
Then we went TANGS! And I bought ******'s box for her gift!
And I felt bad cause Yi Min's present looked really nice and my Dad's one is supposed to be the grander looking one. So I added something to his rather simple gift!
And at the particular shop/outlet where I bought his add-ons to match the rather simple gift,
Peanut and I encountered the most hilarious encounter ever, well maybe not for peanut, with a
male salesperson. First of all, when I was deciding the type of shampoo, Sandalwood, Sea Foam and Lemongrass, the dude let me sniff the testers. Hehe. Very fun, cuz I kept trying here and there, then getting Alvina to try. Then when I finally chose one, I discovered a solution to the problems the bottle would supply. LOL! He almost gave me the wrong squeeze thingy, it was too big and then eventually the correct sized one was out of stock so I got the shampoo ceramic press thingy instead. I'm so luo suo! Keke! And since it was the last one, I asked the guy whether it was possible to wash it, like just wash the dust off. He thought I said don't need ot watch at first, then realised I said wash and was like so paiseh for him. But he was very nice, washing it for me. Then Peanut and I went to Candy Empire. Man I wrongly estimated the weight. Who knew 500g was like so light! Keke! I was shocked man! I thought it was at most like $20? but man the pick and choose bag thingy itself was $20++ then plus the little knick-knacks here and there. That's about it, I shan't bother you with the remaining details involving Cathlin's and Sameerah's! o( >< )o!!!

CIAO!!!
<3<3<3<3
Rachel , Muackz

26th November 2006

2006-11-26T23:29:00.000+08:00

To Know I Wasn't There (for You).

It hurt so much,
That you walked away,
And it hurt so much,
That you left me behind.
It made me cry,
To see your tears,
And it made me cry,
To see your smile.

I wanted to turn my back on you,
And walk through a different door,
I tried to forget everything you said to me,
And walked down a different path.
My heart was breaking,
My world was falling,
I was still living in a shadow of the distant past.

It broke my heart,
To know I wasn't there for you,
And it broke my heart,
That you said never again,
I wanted you to know,
I'll always remember you,
And I wanted you to know,
You will always live in my heart.

I asked God why, why he gave me you,
Yet I asked him why, you had to go,
I knew I should have hidden my tears,
For you, you were the one who suffered the most.
Like the leaves, blown,
Like the rain, fallen,
You were gone, and I could only watch you go.

For one more day,
I wish I never met you,
Is one more day,
I wish you were here,
I wished and wished,
Knowing it will never be,
But I wished and wished,
Holding on to hope that was never there.

I asked you why,
Why it all just ended,
And asked you why,
You blamed me so,
In my heart,
I knew all the answers,
But in my mind,
I denied them all.

Those times were torn apart
And thrown into the wind,
Those days were shattered into pieces
And discarded on the ground,
I went down on my knees to pick them up again,
And try to mend it all back into what it used to be.
But you, you walked away.

In the night I clutch on to the pieces that you left behind for me,
I held on to you tight, but you pulled away and walked on,
I was so near to you, but so far away from your heart,
I wanted to tell you so much, but you were shut from me,
Shut away by the walls you built around yourself,
And so I was left to stand there with only fragments of the past.

I was trying to live the dream which has now become a nightmare.

I never knew this could bring me so much pain,
Yet I took it for granted,
My mind was doing what my heart forbade,
And when they asked me what wrong,
It was nothing, nothing but a song,
Composed and played,
But now, the curtains have fallen,
And the last note has faded away.

~ cherze ©2006 All rights reserved.

There are times when I blame myself for not seeing, for being so blind.
There are times when I lose touch of those feelings I swore I would never forget.
There are the times when I can't help but cry because I can't bring myself to face you.
If I were to die right now, the only thing I would regret would be not talking to you.
I want to talk to you so bad, I don't want to live my life like this, regretting everything I didn't do for you, not speaking to you like I did before, not talking to you honestly about everything.

26th November 2006

2006-11-26T21:40:00.000+08:00

LTC was fun.
How I wished the leaders weren't leaders then I could experience the real personalities of the leaders. After reading Chief's blog and alot more other leaders' blogs, I've come to realise the real responsibilites a leader must face. It's also during the camp that I realised many of the people around me did have the qualities, but it was just difficult to show it. Although the leaders say we must take the initiative and have that mind set, it seems as though they're condoning the leaders to be of only one type and that's quite judgemental of them. There are different types of leaders, which explains the different types of departments where they are able to lead better in, morever, if we were not different, there wouldn't be a need to have so many leaders to a department. But I must say that this camp has been a very big eye opener for me. There are all sorts of leaders, as said from the leadership talk, but a true leader is one when the people respect her and want to follow willingly, not out of FEAR. Leaders out there, I hope you can show the rational behind your actions. The real leaders out there would really take note of it.

12th November 2006

2006-11-12T23:54:00.000+08:00

What hurts most is to see you hurting, without being able to do anything.
It hurts when I can't talk to you anymore.
Maybe you don't realise it, but you've closed your heart from me.
There is nothing more in the world I want to do than talk to you and be there for you like you were for me.
But do you know how hard that is?
Do you know how much it hurts when I hear that I wasn't there for you?
How much I want to be part of your memories?
I hurt for you.
To see what you go through, wondering what you think?
How have you carried this facade?
My heart feels for you.
But they weren't empty assurances.
~~just comfort I couldn't give....~~

11th November 2006

2006-11-11T21:30:00.000+08:00

We built it up, to watch it fall,
Like we meant nothin' at all,
I gave and gave, the best of me,
But couldn't give you what you need.
You walked away, you stole my life.
I guess it wasn't worth it, I just wasn't worth it
And I will wait
However long it takes
Till you realize what you have been searching for,
Was right here all along.
I will wait, no matter how long it takes
Feeling you start to drift away from me,
Back to the empty place you used to be.
How do I get to you?
I can't seem to reach out to you, not the way I used to,
not the way I want to. It's just so hard, you're beyond my reach
Nothing but an empty page
Breathing in an open space
Captured by your moment's grace again
There's so much I left behind
Even more that waits in time
Everything's so undefined
I'm standing on the edge of my fear
And I see it clear
I dunno where my life is going.
But everything's changing and I'm lost.
Here's my resolution
I'm letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just want to be the best person I can be
Living life without a plan
Finding solace where I stand
And learning how to love again
And all I want is something real
That I can feel
I don't want to let go. But it's so hard to keep this up with you so out
of reach. I want to reach out the way I could before.
You meant so much to me, probably more than I can ever express.
But I just want to be there for you, just one last time.
I feel like I've disappointed you.
~~-lyrics by Nick Lachey and team~~

9th November 2006

2006-11-09T21:41:00.000+08:00

Everything's so hard to believe now.
Was it even real?
Were you really there for me?
I understand what you've been through, I really do.
But the one time I need you is the one time you've left me.
Without you I am nothing.
Without you life is without meaning.
You were that important to me.
But now I don't know whether I can continue living.
With these thoughts plaguing my mind,
will I still be here one year from now?
No one knows me like you do.
In the end, no one will be there for me.
Not in the way I need them.

3rd October 2006

2006-11-03T20:41:00.000+08:00

Life goes on and so does time.
I wish I could turn back time, but it's too late for regrets.
I can't think straight.
Was my life supposed to be like this?
I don't feel it more.
And I find myself forgetting.
Forgetting everything I ever treasured about those around me.

Sometimes I wonder... what would life be like if I never existed.
Would everyone be the way they were?
Or would their life be much better?
What I want most is what I can't have, it's not even within my grasp.

17th October 2006

2006-10-17T22:45:00.000+08:00

Friendship quotes for the 10 days left

Whoever says Friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend
Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks
True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival. - C. S. Lewis
To be depressed is to be lonely; to have a friend is to be happy... - Guido
Give others freedom to be themselves. Appreciate the differences between their ways and yours.
Truth and tears clear the way to a deep and lasting friendship.True friendship is never serene. - Mariede Svign
Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success. - Oscar Wilde
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel; But do not dull thy palm with entertainment of each new-hatched, unfledged comrade.- William Shakespeare
I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody. - Benjamin Franklin
Thus nature has no love for solitude, and always leans, as it were, on some support; and the sweetest support is found in the most intimate riendship. - Cicero
I count myself in nothing else so happy as in a soul remembering my good friends. - William Shakespeare
I find friendship to be like wine, raw when new, ripened with age, the true old man's milk and restorative cordial. - Thomas Jefferson
What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. They are but trifles, to be sure but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.
No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence. - George Eliot
It is a sweet thing, friendship, a dear balm, a happy and auspicious bird of calm - Shelly
One can never speak enough of the virtues, the dangers, the power of shared laughter. - Francoise Sagan
When friends stop being frank and useful to each other, the whole world loses some of its radiance. - Anatole Broyard
Life is partly what we make it, and partly what is made by the friends whom we choose. - Tehyi Hsieh
There is no hope of joy except in human relations. - Antoine de Sainte-Exupery
The most I can do for my friend is simply to be her friend. I have no wealth to bestow on her. If she knows that I am happy in loving her, she will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this? - Henry David Thoreau
Friendship that flows from the heart cannot be frozen by adversity, as the water that flows from the spring cannogt congeal in winter. - James Fenimore Cooper
Do not save your loving speeches for your friends till they are dead; do not write them on their tombstones, speak them rather now instead.- Anna Cummins
"Best friends are like diamonds, precious and rare False friends are like leaves, found everywhere.
We are all angels with only one wing...we can fly only embracing each other.
A good friend is hard to find, hard to lose, and impossible to forget...
Time isn't what makes a friendship last...It's love and devotion that keeps the tie between souls.
A true friend is someone you can trust with all your secrets.
Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.
Material things can't make the soul whole. The only the love, trust, and loyalty of friends can do that.
Friendship is not friendship without trust, without it I walk alone.
Friendship is the golden thread that ties all hearts together
Money might make you wealthy, but friends make you rich.
A friend with break your heart, a friend will mend it, a friend will provide you with every feeling in the world, good and bad. A friend is emotion incarnate.
When we are grown, we'll smile and say we had no cares in childhood’s day, but we'll be wrong. That’ll not be true, I've this much care... I care for you.
A friend loves you, makes you feel alright, troubles are not troubles when you talk, listen and accept you as you are, because you will feel the same and love the same.......
No lapse of time or distance of place can lessen the friendship of those who are truly persuaded of each other's worth.
Friends are like pillars on your porch. Sometimes they hold you up and sometimes they lean on you.
Friends are angels following you through life
You cannot say you've lost a friend. If a friendship is capable of ending, it is because it never existed.
Friendship is what gets you through the bad times and helps you enjoy the good times

15th October 2006

2006-10-15T14:56:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling so lazy lately.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but everyday, somehow,
I am reminded of things I am trying to forget.
It's difficult to say good bye to someone you've never really said good bye to
or even talked to for the past 5 months.
Sometimes, the hardest word in the word is goodbye and though we might
say that we'll keep in contact, often those words leave us feeling hollow.
It's best that I forget, isn't it?
All I can say now is that I hope things will be alright between us before you leave.

8th October 2006

2006-10-08T12:22:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wish the best things in life could last forever.

7th October 2006

2006-10-07T01:14:00.000+08:00

Farewell
The one word I dread in my life
Farewell
I won't be seeing you anymore
Farewell
I'll just be that person you knew
Farewell
If I love you, i must let go
Farewell
But I still can't let go
Farewell
It's eternal, there's no going back
Farewell
My one and only true friend
Farewell

23rd September 2006

2006-09-23T22:25:00.000+08:00

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Delfilia is your best friend.

You truly hate Sameerah.

You consider Wai Leng your true friend.

You know that Cathlin is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Sherri And Cheryl for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Azrina is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Lisa is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Mrs Lee is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Mrs Lee changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Yi Min is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Yi Min has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

23rd September 2006

2006-09-23T21:43:00.000+08:00

36 more days

5 years ago I was...

1. boy crazy, i had a boyfriend but he was a nerd! i dunno whether i still am, bi-crazy?

2. an outsider of my class and everyone in my class treated me like a freak, bullying me

3. Long hair, longer than now at least

4. wearing a clip-on tie and polka-dotted dress

5. a drama/chinese dance girl

5 snacks which I enjoy....

1. takoyaki

2. tiramisu, the coffee bean version

3. chocolate

4. hi-chew GRAPE

5. Ricola

5 things I would do if i had a million dollars....

1. Go on a shopping spree though I doubt I'd buy much

2. Buy my parents nice cars

3. Jump start my career, whatever it is

4. A better piano

5. A designer house with furniture and all

5 places I would runaway to....

1. East Coast Park, the beach is wonderful

2. Cheryl's house, I'll sneak in! :)

3. T*3 Cube

4. Cathlin's house, if she lets me that is :)

5. School?

5 bad habits....

1. PROCRASTINATION

2. I use the internet often and it distracts me

3. Scratching my leg, the eczema area

4. Sometimes I don't think before I speak

5. My different personalities

5 biggest joys....

1. Friends

2. Life

3. Sleeping, it brings me fascinating dreams and comfort from my tears

4. My cats

5. Laughing, I can live longer that way

5 famous people I'd date...

1. Captain Jack Sparrow He's femilicious!

2. Kim from America's Next Top Model Cycle 5 What? She's hot!

3. BelleOYL She's hot and has a nice bum bum too! (JOKE! JOKE!)

4. Chad Michael Murray

5. Mr. L (Geddit?)

5 people to do this quiz....

(If they haven't already done it!)

1. Cheryl F

2. Sherri

3. Sameerah

4. Delfilia

5. Belle

16th September 2006

2006-09-16T22:48:00.000+08:00

42 more days
Hello my pretties. Yes! New blog skin!
One that's more cheery at least.
Have you ever wondered what was the most amount of money you spent on someone? Well I was thinking and if I calculated, the most I spent on someone was $56.18! That's a lot of money, at my age that is.
And the best part is that she doesn't even know!
Oh well! Life is like a boomerang.
Strangely, NL is actually very nice.
Although sometimes she may be annoying, that is what makes her NL right?
Oh well. I've got a card for someone. Andrew
The message on the card is really meaningful.
After the question I asked you today, I'm not so sure whether you really need that card anymore.

12th September 2006

2006-09-12T17:06:00.000+08:00

It's suffocating.
I can't seem to breathe.
Why did you come into my life?
I wouldn't trade those times we had for anything.
Life is unfair.
I'm just one hopeless person against the flow of time we call destiny.
Will my voice be able to reach you?
The unheard cry which screams at me everytime I see you.
That tiny voice crying, hurting.
My problems seem so unsignificant.
I can't show hurt because you're truly the one who suffers.
I fear forgetting you.
You are that one special person who has made a deep mark in my life.
Time passes by and yet it's still a barrier.
I'm hurting and I just wish everybody else can see that.

7th September 2006

2006-09-07T18:57:00.000+08:00

The Seven Sins
51 more days
Dearest Lisa asked me to do this, therefore, I will!

7 things that scare me
1. Losing my loved ones
2. New environments
3. Squishing insects
4. Confrontations
5. 3 am
6. The different personalities of me
7. Ghosts

7 things I like the most about myself
1. My smile
2. My personality despite its flaws
3. The music in me
4. My ability to memorise phone numbers 9-55-474 XD
5. My eyes
6. My voice
7. My teeth and tongue

7 most important things in my room
1. The items that hold memories of my past/present friendships
2. My manga
3. My CDs
4. My computer
5. My 3-in-1 CD player
6. My money?
7. My MICKEY

7 random facts about me
1. I am ZIG-ZAG!
2. My friends are my world
3. Performing arts is my speciality
4. I can shake my booty well if i do say so myself
5. I have a wicked and perverted sense of humour
6. I don't get horny from people touching me, but from touching people (JK! XD)
7. I would do almost anything for my friends

7 things I would like to do before I die
1. Learn to belly-dance
2. Marry a handsome or feminilicious Japanese guy
3. Learn to play either the saxophone, trombone or drums!
4. Have wonderful children
5. Be a home interior designer
6. Squeeze everyone of 2Shay's bum bum buns
7. Maintain those friendships that really matter

7 things I can do
1. Entertain people
2. Make music
3. Match people together
4. Be an advisor and listening ear to someone in need
5. Laugh VERY loudly
6. Give really good massages
7. Talk in accents

7 things I can't do
1. Grow big boobs
2. Push-ups, which reminds me PEOPLE WE HAVE TO DO 20 PUSH-UPS FOR MS. POON FOR P.E.
3. Paint my nails
4. Move my ears using nothing but my ear muscles
5. Play the english horn/trumpet
6. Laugh at most jokes
7. Take on leadership roles, I become too serious

7 things I say the most
1. ERR
2. *insert friend's name here*
3. I know you but you don't know me
4. Hi
5. Let's talk about Elwardo
6. I'm feeling HORNY
7. DUH/WTH/ADUI/Please?

7 most favourite celebrities
1. AFI
2. Keane
3. Itou Eri
4. Yuki Kajiura
5. Ms. Swan
6. DBSK
7. L'Arc~en~Ciel

7 people I would like to see do this
1. Wai Leng
2. Cathlin
3. Delfilia
4. Cheryl
5. Yi Min
6. Sherri
7. Sameerah
What kinda answers would they give? Hmm

That ends The Seven Sins

3rd September 2006

2006-09-03T20:20:00.000+08:00

55 more days

The flow of frienship never ran smooth.

Things just never seem to go my way.

I'll miss you alot, even though I don't really show it.

We've got to try.

I want these last two months to be the best months
you've ever had, because you were and still are the
best thing that ever happened to me.

31st August 2006

2006-08-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

And everything changes. For better or worse?

27th August 2006

2006-08-26T19:20:00.000+08:00

This dedicated to Andrew.

It seems like we've known each other forever.
I can't imagine life without you.
You've always been there to support me
Whether I needed you to cheer me on
or hold me up.

We've spent endless hours engaged in
conversation about nothing and everything.
I wouldn't give those times up for anything in
the world.

Together we've hurt, we've smiled, we've laughed,
We've figured out the secrets to life, or tried to, at
least.

Your friendship means so much to me.

And I hope I can always be there for you,
the way you've always been for me.
-By Tracy Donovan

Andrew, whatever your decision may be, I'll always
be there for you.
Rachel

21st August 2006

2006-08-21T22:06:00.000+08:00

Maybe it's time to forget her and move on. But it's
hard and I know I'll be there will always something
out there to remind me. Part of me wants to move
on, part of me wants to wait. Will I really wait, or
has my heart forgotten who she is?

14th August 2006 Revisited

2006-08-14T23:19:00.000+08:00

Hello. I come in peace. Don't hurt me okay? I'm sorry about
what i said in the previous post, okay? It was just a misunderstanding.
I'll miss you and yes ms. Andrew I'm talking to you. XD I know
you read my blog, through MAGIC! MWAHAHAHAHA! I'm
insane. Well since I can't seem to find the guts to talk to you
in person, I'm gonna say this. I'll miss you, but what you want
to do with your life, is your choice, don't miss out on a great
opportunity, I'm sure you'll do great. Just stay the same Andrew
I know and I'll love you FOREVER! (nah, i don't love you that way)
But yeah, well all I can say is I'll miss you! Kiaaa! That's like the
only thing I can seem to say right now. I know you got into NUS,
but until I hear it from you yourself, I'm not gonna believe anything.
I'll miss you. I'll wait. And yes, I am being serious. You must be
open minded, both in mind and heart, so yeah, since I can't talk
to you, I hope you'll read this and know that I'll respect whatever
decision [or explanation ;)] you have for me. Just remember this,
I'll always be there for you, through and through. By the way Cathlin,
Jake Gyllenhaal is HOT!! XD That's supposed to be a joke for you
Cat! xD

Ciao!~

14th August 2006

2006-08-14T17:57:00.000+08:00

You aren't worth my time.
How can you call yourselves my friends?
How could you do this to me?
I told you everything, you knew everything.
I know that it was supposed to be a secret
between all of you but did you know it's more
painful finding out this way? I really regret this.
I thought I knew you, I thought you would
understand, but you don't seem to understand
anything at all. So why? Why hurt me this way?
Why?
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you
-Listening to Teardrops by Massive Attack

12th August 2006

2006-08-12T23:41:00.000+08:00

Ikea was fun today and I seemingly bought nonsensical stuff but
actually, all those nonsensical stuff are for the IP people who are
leaving. I don't want you guys to leave. I've got a bone to pick with
Lisa for telling me the wrong info on her.

I'm wasting tears on her. It hurts real bad and even if we aren't
talking, it will hurt to see her go for IP. I want to fly away to a land
of fantasy free of problems. It hurt when you said thank-you, it hurts
having to look at you and it hurts to simply be near you.

My heart hurts. It will hurt. The scars on my heart will not disappear.
It will never disappear.

"Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there
will always be cracks"

It may be too late, but for you I'll wait.

Teardrops down my cheeks,
waiting for you.
Rachel~

10th August 2006

2006-08-10T21:52:00.000+08:00

Singapore Idol Gossip Columnist is here for duty!

My text is blue today to commemorate the loss of
Rahimah from the recent Singapore Idol. The song
does matter. Her loss was due to song choice. I liked
the song Rahimah. You deserve to have gone on to
the next round, Rahimah.
GOSSIP TIME!!!
Maybe it's just me, and I'm sure many people are going
to kill me for this. (They probably had enough of the Maia
and Sly scandal) But do any of you notice the signs I see?
Rahimah and Paul, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First
comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Rahimah,
pushing a baby carriage!!! Don't kill me! I just think they
look cute together!!!

Onto a note that is more like reality, East Coast was fun!
I rode a two-seater bike! (When I can barely ride one!)
And I managed to ride it! Yay for me! But then, alas
certain areas of East Coast gave me a melancholic feeling,
and no, melancholy is not alcohol! Well, making the diet
brownie/cookie/cake was fun, especially the sifting, it took
ages! But the end result was a crunchy exterior, but perfect
interior. Mmm... I can feel my mouth watering.

Well today, I feel good, and as usual I'm gonna give a rant
about her. I can't face her tomorrow. Here's the tactic, avoid
talking unnecessarily. It's gonna be hard. It hurts so bad, like
I just lost half my heart and soul. It's gonna be hard.

And life goes on...
Rachel

9th August 2006

2006-08-09T21:42:00.002+08:00

Whoopee doo! I'm sad! Boohoo! Going to East Coast tomorrow.
The East Coast will forever bring bad memories until this matter
is resolved. Until then, I will ban myself from listening to All Star,
Over the Rainbow and that song by Fall-out Boy. It sucks to not
be in the National Day mood. When will it end? Why? Why you?
Why now? Why?

Well as you can see, I not too happy.( Boohoo woo hoo) I want
it to end. I want my friend back, I want her back. Tomorrow I'm
making the diet brownie. Oh sweet chocolatey wonder. Bah
hambug! You may not know this but when I'm upset, I lose my
appetite.

I'll drown my sorrows in AFI-Decemberunderground. Just hope
that it will all end soon. I've got so much to tell, so much to say,
and I hope you'll listen before it's too late. Don't make me sad,
don't make me cry, don't break my heart. I'm delicate emotionally
so don't break me, just stay by me, tell me your secrets and i'll
tell you mine, we'll run from this reality that both yours and mine,
we'll be together, forever and ever, until all the stars burn out.

L.O.V.E & P.E.A.C.E.
Rachel

8th August 2006

2006-08-08T20:48:00.000+08:00

Happy National Day, Singapore!
Oh my gosh, National Day rocked! Especially Mass Dance! ha HaHa
HAHAHAHA!!! Does that sound familiar my lovelies? Yes, it's mass
dance fever. Last night I finished making all those little flimsy paper
cards for everybody. Argh! I could have done better for some other
people's cards, but my hand was aching and it was already 1am++
x.x Tired...

Well everybody, welcome to my blog. Granted, my life may not be
very interesting (I'll keep on talking about certain things, but oh well)
but i hope my life interests you. Ack! Don't worry people of 2/s, i will
always love you all, not forgetting some sec 2a people and others etc.

Well onto a more serious note (so shoot me, i'm gonna make this a long
post, i'm feeling free), today i saw andrew today. For the lucky few
who actually know who andrew is, you're probably saying this now
"Don't you like see her everyday?" Well guys and gals, yep, you've
guessed it, andrew is a GIRL. andrew, if you're reading this, i hope
you'll understand how i'm feeling. Andrew, I don't know what happened
between us, but i hope that you'll understand that i'm hurt by what you've
done or have not done. It's upsetting to see you smiling and knowing
that i'm not the one causing it, it hurts when we refuse to talk to each
other. You were close to me, closer than anyone I've ever known. So
why? why?

Now onto a more national dayie mood. (Don't scold me lisa, I know
it's not a real word) Community singing was fun, but I really didn't feel
it today. I was singing, cuz some of the lyrics actually matched how I
felt about a particular someone. Especially this line "This is where I
won't be alone, for this is where I know it's home." That really got to
me. After that, Sameerah, Cheryl and I spent $20++ at T*3 Cube.
By the way, T*3 cube has the best drinks ever! Your money is
definitely worth it. Free advertising! Then Sampura, Cheryl and I
crapped until it got too hazy. Dinner was nice. Haiz, all my national
day energy went down the drain because i lost the mood. Aww so sad!
Naughty All Star song. Don't like you :(

Well, here's to loving you tonight!

Ciao, rachel